So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
