it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
