There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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