I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
