i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
