He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
