paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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