Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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