Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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