Your face is a jimmy john
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
