I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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