I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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