I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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