I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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