Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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