"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
