the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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