I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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