The maid of honor just puked.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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