Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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