i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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