Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
