It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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