you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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