Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
