i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.