what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?