Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.