Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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