You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize