The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
