Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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