At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
