I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
