when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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