what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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