The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
