Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize