if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
