I hate your face
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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