"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
