Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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