my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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