you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
