I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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