Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
