It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
