please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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