If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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