Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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