At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
