I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
