Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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