it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
