I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
