Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize