I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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