My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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