sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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