Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
