ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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