The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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