We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
